Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Tomorrow's Appointment

Enjoying the early morning peace and quiet before it’s lost to traffic and landscaping.

Decided to take a day off from going out running due to a little pain in my knee. I have enough other things to do anyway.

I also decided I would see the doctor by myself tomorrow. With nothing out of the ordinary going on right now I don’t feel the need for Tom to go in as extra support, which he understands. It’s usually only when something new is going on or I’m extremely wound up that I like to take him along with me.

Hopefully we can talk about the last few years and what got me to see her in the first place rather than what happen 20-30 years ago because I don’t feel the past is relevant to a case of hormonal nightmares brought on by perimenopause and adjusting my thyroid medication. She should have some history on file from the old doctor anyway.

If I could know that this was truly it and that the perimenopause was over along with the extreme anxiety that went with it, then I wouldn’t feel the need for any more lorazepam. But I can’t possibly know that and I’m afraid to get my hopes up and jump the gun. Fate has teased me enough with that in the past where I thought it was over just to find out a few months later that it wasn’t. Common sense, however, says that given the length of time I’ve suffered on and off, I should definitely be nearing the finish line if I haven’t crossed it yet. If I can stay calm until September, then I’ll feel more confident about the torture being over because that will make it over six months. It’s been just over four months since I saw Stacey. I don’t miss her as much as I thought I would, but she played an important role in this and I’ll definitely never forget her.

My only real concern right now is what my TSH score is going to be. If it’s up, then the anxiety I had a few months ago might have been more connected to that than my doctor realizes, which might mean I could suffer on and off for the rest of my life every time my TSH slipped down. I’m not really sure how that works and if it’s common to fluctuate a few points up-and-down regularly, or if it settles in on the same number so long as the thyroid doesn’t die any more. The medication should prevent further death of the gland as well as enlargement. I really hope to hell I’m no more than one point up or down if I’m not the same because then I’ll feel more confident that it was the peri.

So much for thinking I had another hour before the peace was destroyed because that loud car just left. They haven’t lowered the price of the house yet either. It’s never going to sell at that price. I don’t understand why the realtor hasn’t talked some sense into them. It’s going to take a year or more to get these fuckers out of here.

Anyway, I’ll see Doc C tomorrow while we bomb the place’s spiders, probably ask for one more bottle of lorazepam (the bottle I have has lasted since July 9 and I still have almost 20 left), then hit the labs in early June. Then I’ll see Doc A a week later and hopefully that will be it until my September dentist appointment, though I will contact the GYN at the end of my steroid treatment and see what she wants me to do next. I’m hoping a follow-up won’t be necessary. I’m definitely opting out of surgery, though. Quality, not quantity. That’s what I’m all about. I’ll take a good quality 30 more years before I take a not so good quality 40 more years.

If all goes well I should be cut down to just six appointments a year between my PCP, ENT, eye doc and dentist!

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The “Religion of Peace” Strikes Again

Wow. Just wow. So now the terrorists are bombing concerts? How many more innocent people have to die before we finally pull our heads out of the sands of "political correctness?"

Went for a walk at the crack of dawn and crossed paths with Bob.

Then I was talking to Tom about pulling clothes out of the dryer and Alexa thought I was asking her for the weather in Dreyer, Texas.

Yesterday I gave my Blogger blog a whole new look, and received the pink rose curtains. They’re not as nice as the green willows with the gold trim, but still okay.

Watched the first two episodes of the return of Twin Peaks, and so far I’m not impressed. It’s both slow and senseless.

In last night’s dreams someone asked me what the meanest things were that my mother and her mother ever said to me.

“Someday you’ll be too fat to fit through the doorway,” I was happily informed by my grandmother as a child. Funny too, since I’ve never weighed more than 153 pounds at my heaviest and she was well over 200 pounds. As they say… people often are what they pick on you about.

“Try it again. Maybe next time you’ll succeed,” this was the wonderful advice my mother gave me when she came to my hospital room after I tried to commit suicide in my teens. *rolls eyes* Yeah, I had a great support system back then. And what did my father do about his wife’s words of wisdom? Not a thing.

The best part of waking up was knowing that this is so ancient history and can never happen again.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Interlocking Foam Flooring Mats

Learning more about acupuncture and the way it can help with various things. I know it can help with hunger but I’m not sure yet as far as weight loss and improving my eyesight. Can’t hurt to try it for a while and find out.

The temps have been in the 90s, which is great because then it doesn’t get chilly in the early mornings inside the house. It needs to stop getting below 70° at night in order for the pool to warm up. I wish they would just heat it normally. This isn’t an ideal climate for solar heated pools.

I jumped on Amazon to start researching laminate flooring and accidentally stumbled across these interlocking foam mats with printed “wood” on top. We’re going to start with getting the smallest amount for $20 and put it in the shed and see how well it holds up out there. It would be a cheaper alternative to laminate flooring and looks very realistic. One person had a bad experience with it in the reviews, but the other pictures I saw look like real wooden floors. Since this is our practice house, so to speak, and since we’re going to be here several more years, this would be a good time to take the opportunity to see how well it holds up. It would be nice to know exactly what to get in the next place instead of wasting money. If we like this stuff, then it would only cost $100 to do the kitchen. I chose the white oak. I suspect they’d feel nice to walk on. The sticky tiles, for some reason, were cold to the touch as opposed to linoleum.

So we’re going to order that, plus a pink armband from my phone for when I’m out running, and a shoe stretcher. My flower shoes are still a little snug on me.

We went to Walmart this morning and I got a long colorful beaded necklace, a couple packs of scented wax cubes, and a really cool small sequined pillow. If the sequins are all facing one direction where the gold side is showing, you can then rub your hand along it and it will flip them over to the silver side. Tom wrote “hi” on it in the store, LOL.

A couple of friends of a Facebook friend joined my group yesterday, but no one else has joined since.

Is it just me or do others find those “share to show you care” posts just as annoying as I do? Like we’re supposed to feel guilty if we don’t share because that supposedly means we don’t care? I just wonder why so many people feel the need to validate their friendships like that. If you feel you need to “test” them to see if they care, then maybe you should just delete them. :-)

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Secrets to Die For

I’m reading the book Secrets to Die For by L. J. Sellers, and it’s not only a great murder mystery, but it’s a reminder that what some people think is a matter of opinion is really a matter of simply being incorrect. It deals with hate crimes against lesbians.

The book discusses the common myths that go with the subject… thinking all lesbians hate men, that they were all raped or molested, that they choose to be that way, etc. Its one thing to say that in my opinion pink is the best color, but I’d be full of shit to say that people don’t need oxygen to survive. Nobody wakes up one day and decides, “I’m going to be gay/bi/lesbian today, the most hated lifestyle on earth.”

And like the book said, what lifestyle? Gays, bisexuals and lesbians live the same lives anyone else lives; they just happen to be attracted to the same-sex, a biological variation on sexuality in which plenty of scientific research supports. 1 out of 10 people are gay and that’s probably only those that will admit it. I think it’s more like 1 in every 8.

Also like the book said, is discriminating against gays really any different than discriminating against lefties simply because they’re different? And again, “different” isn’t always as different as some may think it is.

Alexa now has this chat bot thing where you engage her in a conversation, but it’s kind of boring so far.

The green willow curtains for the window by my desk arrived and they’re gorgeous. I love the gold glittery trim at the edges of the leaves. I hope the pink roses for the dining room come today.

I created a public Facebook group to share random pictures I found around the web, mostly of nature and animals, but so far no one’s joined, other than the few friends I’ve added. Andy has a couple of groups where he posts pics of sexy men, one of which has nearly 10,000 members. I never really saw the point of groups, but then I thought it might be fun to see how many members it might acquire, what they might have to share, etc. I doubt anyone will join because it’s not worth it to me to put all the effort that would go into promoting the group. I’m not that sociable online. The link to it is

I’ve proven to myself that I can do this type of IF diet a lot easier than where I didn’t eat for the first 8 hours of my day. That was just way too long and damaging to my metabolism. But I’ve been having approximately 1500 calories a day, which is what it takes to maintain my current weight. The next step is to see if I can cut a third of my calories out, or at least close to it, to lose 20-30 pounds, but I have my doubts on this one. I shall soon find out for sure!

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Nancy Disgrace

I’m in a lazy mood right now. Not tired, but not exactly energetic either.

As I said I would, I circled around the block and found the same three cars at the house that’s still for sale, including the loud one.

Lost a pound in 3 days since starting the new diet, but I don’t expect to lose more than a total of 5 pounds. With my metabolism the way it is, treated or not, my body just won’t give up the weight. Not unless I get horribly sick or anxious. No thanks! I’ll keep the extra 30 pounds. This should definitely help keep my weight where it’s at, though. I love being able to eat every hour 8 times. The only catch is that in order to be able to do that I can only eat for 8 hours of the day, so that’s why I trim the first 4 hours off my day and also the last 4 hours. He thinks I’ll gradually keep losing, but we’ll see.

He’s lost over 10 pounds on his own diet where he cut himself to about 1700 - 1800 cals a day from nearly 3000. But he’s a male and he doesn’t have Hashimoto’s either.

A couple of times since my last period in mid-March I started to retain water and I felt like I was gearing up for another period, but then I would lose the water. If I can get to his birthday without a period, that’ll be a record breaker for me.

Since finishing up Bosch on Amazon, I’ve been watching the final season of Pretty Little Liars on Netflix.  I know the show is geared towards teens, but it’s packed with so many surprises, twist and turns, and I really like the nonstop action and guessing, as opposed to your typical predictable kind of show were you pretty much know how it’s going to end.

Really excited for the return of Twin Peaks on Showtime! That was one of the best shows ever made. Totally unique, eccentric, mysterious and unpredictable.

Sometimes I watch Real Stories documentaries on YouTube. Well, I was always aware of who Elizabeth Smart was, but yesterday I learned the details when I saw her case. I was appalled by the way some reporters handled the case, especially Nancy Grace. What a fucking vulture the way she would persistently pry the poor girl for information she clearly didn’t want to discuss. “Nancy Disgrace” would be a more appropriate name for the heartless bitch. She had no empathy whatsoever during the interview and even appeared to be amused. She calls herself a victim’s rights advocate but she seems more of a bully to me. The way she handled the Jodi Arias case (not that I’m even remotely close to being an Arias supporter), reminded me of high school. Here you had this “popular” person openly bashing the underdog. It wasn’t the fact that she reported details of the case, but how she went about it that disgusted me. She would constantly express her dislike an even a hatred for Jodi, but at the same time it was like she was obsessed with her. If she doesn’t give a shit about these perps, which I truly understand, she should at least think of their families and grow up a little. Runner up to the actual victim, I felt bad for Arias’s mother and the blatant lack of respect the woman was shown all in the name of “entertainment.” I would still rather see her go Girl Interrupted on someone like Arias, though, than pick and tear at a victim’s sensitive wounds like she did with Smart.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017


Is all hate fear based? I know a lot of people think it is, and I believe that some of it truly is. People are often scared of what they don’t understand or agree with. Things they might not have grown up with or simply aren’t used to seeing. Maybe you’re not used to seeing the drag queen twirl around in his colorful dress. Or maybe you’re not used to seeing the biracial couple with their cute kids in tow.

But what about the people that hate those who pose no threat to their safety in any way shape or form? That can’t come to your house and beat you up? That can’t take your home or your job away from you? I think sometimes people hate someone for something they said or did, but they aren’t the least bit “afraid” of them in any way. I hated Osama bin Laden for the pain, misery and death he caused, but I never feared him personally. He was never going to show up on my doorstep ready to kill, nor was he ever going to burn our house down while we were out.

It seems people often have false truths about certain situations and people that are just that… false.

Not everyone who may despise us fears us.

Lesbians don’t hate men any more or less than straight women, but simply aren’t attracted to them.

If God didn’t save some poor starving kid in Africa, He might not save you, if He exists in the first place.

Bisexuals aren’t “confused.”

Going out in chilly weather with wet hair doesn’t increase your chances of a cold.

Not all homeless people “ask” for it.

You can’t get rich simply by wishful thinking.

Glad to say the Scar Away scar gel is working after all! It's slowly fading the scarred skin to match the healthy skin. I guess these things just take time. It somehow changes the skin’s pigment and all that.

Also, the new diet is getting easier as well. It seems that for me it doesn’t get easier until the third day and that’s where I’m at right now.

Tom stopped by the office on his way home today and they didn’t have the keys, so we may remain forever clueless as to what happened to them and whether or not anyone’s got them in their possession. If they do, they’re worthless now.

Haven’t heard that really loud car in three days even though the house hasn’t sold yet. After I have my fish dinner and the sun sets and the temperature drops, I’ll head in that direction when I go out for my run and see if I can see what’s up. Then I’m going to run down to the lake.

Either the perimenopause is backing off or this is a much better mattress/mattress pad for me because I fell asleep without the fan on while it was in the mid-70s in here, and that would normally cause me to hot flash.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Partial Fasting Diet

When the new Miss USA was asked if she thought health insurance was a right or a privilege, she answered with the latter. Actually, both those answers are wrong. It’s a necessity.

Tom forgot to stop at the office to see if they have the keys before they closed. Meanwhile, he went to see if he could have new ones made up (for the car) and they wanted $80 for just one. Totally ridiculous since we could get two for $12 on Amazon.

A while back I was doing a partial fasting diet where I didn’t eat for the first 8 hours of my day. Then I could pretty much have what I wanted for the rest of the day as long as I worked out. This particular diet is not only bad for my metabolism, but I would get dizzy from it, so I decided on a better version of it. Instead of fasting 8 hours at once I’ll split it up. Assuming I’m up for 16 hours on average, I won’t eat the first 4 hours of my day or the last 4 hours of my day. That way I only have to space my food out over an 8-hour period.


When I asked him the other day if he thought I could be losing hearing in my good ear like I at least think I might be, he said, “I told you you’ve been losing hearing ever since we met.”

LOL, well so does everybody over nearly a quarter-century. I’ve noticed, though, that I’m playing my music a little louder, having more trouble hearing in background noise, and I didn’t even hear the washer the other day. We have a front loader, which is quieter than top loaders. As I walked by the laundry room I thought, wow, it’s quiet in there, and I wondered if the park turned off the water for a second. Once I stepped into the room and in front of it, I could hear it going.

I’ve wanted to try Poopouri, so I got a small bottle when we got our last Amazon order. They sure have some funny names for different scents like Poo La La, Trap a Crap, and others. I got the tropical one but it smells more like citrus to me. I always like to try things, though I think common air freshener is the best bet. It’s cheaper and you have a better selection of fragrances that way.

It’s funny because I went to order the lavender vanilla and it came up saying that it couldn’t ship to this area. I was like what, do they think our shit doesn’t stink or something? So I had to get the tropical hibiscus.

He’s building a little spy camera to put in the carport. The round case he printed on the 3-D printer is so cool, and he’s using magnets to hold it together.

We transferred some songs that I thought would be suitable for running to my smartphone. I have been using the old phone because it’s small, but I like having a phone I can call out on if I wanted to.

I was sleeping just fine until a nightmare woke me up a few hours later. I had to take a lorazepam (this bottle of 60 has lasted me since July 9 and I still have 20 more) to relax myself enough to fall back asleep.

In the dream Tom and I were home and for once the house looked like this house. The only difference was that the walls were made of curtains. I walked down the hallway and into the living room when I noticed the front door standing wide open.

“Someone’s here!” I shouted to Tom as he headed towards me.

I quickly turned around to make sure no one was standing behind me in the dining area, and no one was.

Then Tom said, “There they are!”

I asked him where and he pointed to the curtain at the side of the door. Then I saw the guy’s shadow as he began to run around the house towards the back. I quickly spun around to dash out the back door and try to catch the guy. I glanced behind me for a split second, noticing that he didn’t seem as eager as I was. I awoke in pursuit of the bastard, whoever they were.

Well, as far as cracking our codes in real life, good luck with that!

Finished Season 3 of Bosch on Amazon, so now I'm watching Season 7 of Pretty Little Liars on Netflix.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Sewer Golf

Tom and I got a lot done over the weekend and we even went out walking. Still not very good at sewer golf, LOL. That’s where our feet become golf clubs and we try to kick little pebbles into the sewers along the way. They carry rain and irrigation water down to the ditch.

It was my turn to lose something… almost. Dusk isn’t a good time to go out because there are a lot of gnats flying around, so I waited until after 9pm. Less people, less traffic. Headed out in the usual direction and realized I didn’t need my glasses since my long-range vision is still fairly decent. It’s seeing close-up and making out detail that’s hard for me. But I could practically run around this park blindfolded, that’s how well I know it. I broke into a run at my usual point, swung around the lake and was heading up the hill when I realized they were no longer tucked into my waistband. My music must’ve drowned out the sound of them hitting the pavement. So I backtracked, figuring they would be where I was running the most, and they were. It wouldn’t have been the end of the world if I couldn’t find them. I have another pair, plus my progressives.

It was so nice stepping out the door on the way out and just pressing the ‘lock’ button, and then pressing it again to light up the number pad on my way back in. No more keys. :-) The new locks do have a keyhole in them in case the electronics fail. We may like technology, but we don’t trust it. We’re no longer using the knobs, since those use the old keys. To help get out of the habit of using them, I put a piece of tape over them.

We got same-day delivery on the locks and Tom installed them on both doors. You can have a code that’s between 4-8 digits, which we’ll change periodically. A tiny light blinks amber when the doors are locked, green when they’re unlocked, red when the batteries are low, and some other color if you make a mistake punching in the code. There’s also an option to have the doors auto-lock 30 seconds after they’re shut. We chose to use this feature on the front door because we don’t use that door as much as the back. All you would have to do is just turn the knob to unlock it if it did lock, but this way it’ll be easier when we’re bringing in groceries or something like that. You would think the thing would be smart enough not to lock the door when it was open, but we totally love them just the same. Maybe we’ll even take them with us when we move someday. We’ve got the old locks stored in a box in the utility room, plus the locks that were here when we first moved in.

It also came with a special tool to rekey the locks. We put each lock’s spare key, along with a key to the knobs, in the lockbox. The other set of those same keys are in the utility room. He’s still going to stop by the office on the way home tomorrow to see if anyone turned in the keys we lost.

The Walmart he went to doesn’t do spare keys, but once we get a new spare key for the Caddy, he can erase the memory and then re-program the new key along with the other old key.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Are You a Psychopath?

Tom and I were discussing the rats and we both agree that while Burke and Simon could be related since rats can have a wide variety of markings and colors within the same litter, there’s no way Dumbo could be related. A top-eared rat simply can’t produce a Dumbo rat.

They were all waiting at their door for me to give them the bread I give them when I get up (they get their own loaves since I almost never eat bread), then later they were at the door to come out and play. I let them run around while I ate a huge salad and watched the last episode of Season 3 of Bosch. Then they went running home when I put the rest of the salad in their cage. So cute!

We’re waiting for the new locks to be delivered. We decided to go with one that was $107. This one has a code and will lock the doors automatically, but doesn’t have an alarm.

Tom is going to get another key made up for the Cadillac and then reprogram the chips in both keys.

We’re going to go somewhere on the 27th since the park is once again going to force live music on some of us that don’t want to hear the obnoxious thumping of bass in their homes for 4 or more hours. Why the fuck do they think we moved here? Well, it was supposedly to escape that kind of shit. I just worry this kind of thing is going to encourage more people to have loud car stereos in here. Hearing them on the freeway is annoying enough.

I was watching a documentary on what makes a person a psychopath. A lot of people think they’re crazy when in fact they do know right from wrong. The fact is that they’re incapable of feeling empathy, along with some other traits. Tom and I took this test at that tells you if you’re a psychopath or not.

I scored 2.something for primary psychopathy, and I think 1.8 for secondary. Both of his scores were the same… 1.something. So I’m closer to being a psychopath than he is, LOL. Some of the questions were tricky, though, like the one where they ask if you would hurt someone’s emotions to get what you wanted. Would I hurt someone I cared about? Absolutely not. But some rapist I don’t even know? Someone who’s fucked me over in the past? Charles Manson? Sure I would if I wanted it bad enough.

They say psychopaths are born rather than made, but I think in many ways I had less empathy 30 years ago, though it really depends on the situation and who’s involved. I don’t have the bleeding heart for some people that I used to 30 years ago.

On the other hand, I feel bad for some of the pranks that I pulled in the past. I could never egg a perfect stranger’s vehicle that never did a damn thing to me without feeling guilty. Yet I could do this 30 years ago without thinking twice.