Monday, April 16, 2018


I’m seriously considering pulling my books off of Amazon and hanging up that adventure altogether. I took off the lending function yet they’re STILL available for KU. Fucking Amazon! I’ll give it a few days but if my book page doesn’t reflect the changes by then, then these so-called “publishers” can go to hell. I’ll just pull my books off their site at that point. Thank God I didn’t sign any contracts! But that’s part of why I went with them in the first place.
I’m tired of their shit and how worthless they are when I try to reach out to them for help. If they think they’re going to make money at my expense and continue to get paid for my hard work, they’re in for a surprise.
I may share them here and make my private storybooks public. I just worry about flooding bookmarks that way with 20 bookmarks all at once should I make public a book with 20 chapters.
Started watching Manhunt on Netflix. I see Chris Noth is in it. I loved him on the original Law & Order.
In one of last night’s dreams, Tom was driving super fast to get around some erratic driver and I was worried about crashing into speed bumps but he went over them as if they weren’t even there.
In another dream, there were these 150 ft. tall stone doors between the US and Mexico. It was decided that since they couldn’t curb the immigration problem they would simply say fuck it and just let people come and go between the two countries as they pleased.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

It's No Wonder

As I'm being told by one person and then another and another that they downloaded my book via KU, I'm sitting here wondering why nothing is showing up on my sales reports. Doubting that all these people are lying, I started to suspect Amazon may be ripping me off. Well, in a sense my hunch is right, thanks to new devices.

It's no wonder! This really pisses me off, too. It's like I'm literally writing stories and then *paying* Amazon to sell them. Well, no more! I edited the pricing of each book and disallowed for lending.

Despite not getting paid for my work, a very special thanks to my new beta reader for acting as a secondary editor!

Tom and I chatted with the neighbors yesterday. They verified that it was the Internet company that was out but they don't know what or if they're going to do anything at all.

I was discussing heart rates with other people and I realize that everyone has their own normal HR. It's no real cause for alarm for me if my HR goes a little over 100, but I can see where even the 80s would be a concern for some people with HRs much lower than mine.

Although I'm still not as used to the heat as I used to be when I was younger, skinny and living in the desert, I noticed I was more tolerant to it when out walking yesterday, again suggesting I could be very close to menopause and through the worst of the peri. It's going to cool down and rain a little again, though.

Friday, April 13, 2018

Poor Pawandeep

I’m really coming to distrust doctors as much as I distrust the police. Tom’s Indian co-worker who was put on levothyroxine a few months ago is now having the same symptoms I had with a booming heart. And of course, her doctor dismissed it and said she’s “just anxious,” even though we know what’s normal for us and what’s not and the fact that our intuition is almost always accurate. God, I want to slap some of these doctors!
I feel so bad for her even though we never met. Next comes the psych drugs and then the suggested trips to the shrink and therapist which will end up costing her hundreds of dollars and tons of wasted time because these damn doctors don’t want to deal with the root cause. From my own personal experience and what I’ve heard from others, these doctors obviously have a protocol and are obviously instructed to automatically shift the blame away from the meds despite its known issues for some people. Even the nurse I talked to said so without me bringing it up first.
Goes to show that doctors are often more interested in doing what’s easiest for them instead of what’s best for the patient. The question is why they do this. My only guess is that it’s because there are no other real alternatives and it would be bad for the patient not to take the medication at all.
I don’t think Tom mentioned what happenetoth me so as not to scare her since most people don’t have any problems with this medication, but someone’s got to tell her the truth. If they don’t, she’ll likely suffer needlessly before realizing that no matter what her gut tells her and regardless of the fact that she doesn’t have a history of anxiety, she needs to lower her dose. She’s only on 50s because she went from a TSH of 4 to 2. Why they would even bother medicating her at 4 is beyond me because that’s so close to normal, and 50 seems way too much to drop just 2 points. She’s likely to minus as the drug accumulates.
Hopefully, Tom will tell her that yes, it really is the medication and yes she really does need to cut back when no one else gives her any straight answers. If she’s smart enough she’ll do her own research as well and find enough complaints online that proves she’s not just “anxious” or imagining it. Meanwhile, until she realizes all this and is better informed, she’s just going to continue to get the runaround from the doctors.
I totally resent the hell out of the doctors that cost me so much time and money when it all could have been prevented! I knew that very little of my problem was due to perimenopause, and this woman is only around 30. I think the only thing I would have experienced from the peri was hot flashes, a slightly elevated heart rate, and my heart racing me awake like it used to when I would overheat in my sleep. Not an HR that was often 130+, feeling like I was going to die, and being terrified out of my mind.
I may not like the woman because she’s pretty religious and they tend to be rather hypocritical but no one deserves to suffer like that. No one. Its symptoms are the worst feeling in the world. I totally believed that without a doubt. Nothing I could ever experience could be that bad. If I knew I had to go through it all over again and there would be nothing I could do to stop it, I would probably kill myself.
Good news for me, though. It’s not looking like those “neck knockers” I’ve been complaining about and the other symptoms are due to my bad ear being clogged. I have the fake ear canal cleaned regularly. This is the first time I’ve gone a year instead of 6 months and when Tom looked in there with a flashlight he could see all kinds of build-up since it can’t shed dead skin like a normal ear canal. It’s easy to see into it, too. It was created with a laser drill. Normal ear canals are wavy so you can’t see straight into them. But they drill artificial canals straight through, of course, haha. I started oiling it which I admit I’ve been slacking off on and that seems to be helping. I really should throw baby oil in it a couple times a week regardless.
The neck knockers have to do with conductive hearing. When the ear gets blocked you hear the pulse easier. I still have high blood pressure, mind you, but the lightheadedness and other symptoms are most likely from build up.
I’m still cutting back on sodium and a byproduct of that is that I definitely shouldn’t gain weight on the 1000 to 1200 calories I’ve been having. I won’t lose in my case since I am still older and I do still have thyroid issues but I definitely won’t gain. Good enough for me!
Because I still felt a little off yesterday, we started planning our next vacation and that was a wonderful distraction. We’re thinking of going back to Hawaii one last time before we leave the West for good. We looked at first class flight to other countries and while the prices aren’t that much more expensive, the flying time is insane. I love to fly but don’t want to be stuck on a plane for 15 to 24 hours. Maybe when we’re retired and living in Florida we’ll shoot on over to Europe and hit a lot of the countries there.
Not sure if we’re going to go next year or the year after, but we’ll probably rent a condo for a week in Maui because it’s actually cheaper than a hotel. We’re thinking of possibly going parasailing but we’re definitely going to do our share of snorkeling. I don’t expect to do everything we did the last time. The luau wasn’t that impressive anyway, and we’ve already been down in a submarine. Catamaran sailing and snorkeling was the best part of the trip, actually, and we must return to Lulu’s at least once for their fabulous steak and eggs. Then there’s the Whalers Village, of course. Damn, do I wish we could live there!

Thursday, April 12, 2018

BP's Still Soaring

If I was psychic in a way that was actually useful for once I would know how many more years the roof would hold up before it actually began leaking water down into the house. If it were to take another 10 years then we wouldn’t need to do it at all. Instead, I get to have a series of worthless dream premonitions and the mood-influencing thing I’m not even going to get into.
Because I felt so crappy I didn’t finish writing about the day I talked to the workers. I still don’t know what’s going on and when but I talked to one of the workers who had a map with different colors for different roads and he said something about seeing if they could do it in the first place. Oh, I’m sure they can. If I can hear it, they can do it. The project is going to take months but he said they would only be working close to the house for a day. Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m sure I’ll be tortured for a week or so. And then a week to 10 days later there will be something else. Some kind of home improvement or something the utility company or park will do.
Anyway, instead of working out outdoors yesterday, I stuck to the treadmill. The weather may have had a hand in how tired I felt. Cloudy, wet weather can make me feel sluggish, though it didn’t rain until the evening.
Today they picked up the bulk trash as they do every few months.
I may drop CampNano as I’m simply out of ideas for the story I’m working on.
I have a little more energy today but started off a bit shaky. Today my blood pressure is 155/84 if I can believe the reading. Only went out walking for five minutes and in that five-minute walk, I saw two or three houses for sale. Again, I’ve never lived where so many houses sold so often around me.
Really afraid to go on BP meds, but if it’s responsible for some of the lightheadedness, worsening vision, and fatigue like I read it may be, I may not have much choice. The worse I feel, the more I might be tempted to try meds. The “neck knockers” alone are annoying and a bit scary. I’m not going to decide until my PCP’s nurse tells me what my numbers are because I can’t believe they would happen to be normal there if I’m really having regular problems like I seem to be. Sometimes I feel almost weak and my head vibrates, too.
Beginning on the week of the 23rd, which will put me six weeks away from labs, I’ll skip two doses a week instead of three and see how I do.
Not remembering much in the way of dreams. Something about watching a music video and thinking that the guy singing looked like he was wearing a wig.
Then I was being “punished” for some reason by being made to stand in something that looked as small as a phone booth. I got fed up at one point when I realized I had no incentive to behave and cooperate since they weren’t giving me time off for good behavior or anything.

Wednesday, April 11, 2018


I’m not feeling too well now despite feeling great the last few days and continuing to sleep well. I’m just lightheaded and fatigued for some reason. I Debroxed my ear but that didn’t help. Maybe I just lost weight too fast even though it was only a few pounds. But yes, even Miss Hashimoto’s can lose a few pounds when she turns 80% of her diet into veggies.
I’m now starting to get a little concerned about my blood pressure. I know they call it the silent killer and that it doesn’t usually have symptoms, but sometimes it does, such as noticing your pulse in your neck, fatigue, and lightheadedness. I could be tired and lightheaded for a number of reasons but is it really normal to hear and feel my pulse in my neck like this every time I lay down? This is the first time it’s really started to worry me but with my medication phobia, I’m kind of stuck. I guess I will just wait and see what the numbers are on a more accurate device in June. Wrist and thumb cuffs aren’t as accurate as the arm cuffs. He has an electronic arm cuff but I hate those things and I won’t use it. I would have thought my upper number was in the 140s and my lower was pretty normal, but I don’t know about that or if cutting back on sodium is going to help as much as I hoped.
I’m very relieved to learn that Tammy is cancer-free! I figured as much and I’m not really surprised because of the lack of dreams. I almost always have bad dreams about someone when they’re headed for trouble, and like I was telling my nieces when we were chatting on Facebook, sometimes it’s what I don’t see that’s most important.
Mark called and we spoke briefly and he told me they were able to verify that there was no cancer by looking at the sample under a microscope but they’re still going to send it to the lab, of course. They’re thinking infection.
Now, maybe she can get on with her life for once and for all. She’ll never be problem-free as is the case with most of us when we get older, but I think she’s had more than enough.
My worries are now on a friend. I get that sometimes we get busy or we’re just not in the mood to socialize but I must admit it’s a bit weird not to wake up to a text from her. We chat pretty much every day, and sometimes we leave each other voice clips and pics, along with texts.
I sent a message to Christiane because I was worried about her being in Leipzig with all the shit she’s got going on there. She said she’s okay but she’s worried about her granddaughter. I don’t know where her granddaughter is but despite the savage beasts running around her country, she’s unharmed.
Yesterday was one of those days where I almost wished we decided to get the hell out as soon as we can or that they’d lay him off and give us an excuse to go. That would be a real incentive, all right. Funny too, seeing that for years we worried they would lay him off and now a part of me wishes they would. Most jobs will lay you off eventually, so I’m surprised he’s still there. Especially since the company has laid off several others in the past and has been struggling for some time now.
It was noisy here from 8 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. with landscaping racket on and off all day. First it was the park doing one section, then it was one house, then it was another house, then it was the park doing another section, then it was another house…
To make matters worse we can’t even go a week without some distracting project here that’s totally annoying as hell. Now they want to tear up the roads to add more fiber optics to speed up the internet. I’m actually not sure if it’s the cable or the phone company that’s going to be doing this because I didn’t see the vehicle the workers were in. Just about a half a dozen workers themselves. It would suck for us if it was a phone company because it would be difficult to switch phones and all that. I swear, as soon as you get an ideal setup, someone goes and fucks it all up for you. I’m tired of listening to shit around here, and of course, my sleep is always threatened depending on my schedule.
Not sure if a faster Internet connection would even help us. It’s fast enough as it is and having a fast connection wouldn’t do us any good if you go to a site with slow settings.
Never before have I lived anywhere where landscaping was done more than once a week or less or where I heard so many projects and saw so many houses sell. I realize that the constant selling of houses has to do with being where old people live since the people that come here don’t stay here 40 or 50 years.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Ingredients, Not Calories

They recommend no more than 20g of sugar a day for women and 36g a day for men. Not sure if this means natural sugars only as opposed to refined or if it’s counting all sugars.

Also, no more than 300 milligrams of cholesterol and no more than 1500 of sodium.

Ironically enough, foods higher in sodium and cholesterol seem to be higher in calories, so if you lower your sodium and cholesterol intake that should take care of the calories. In my case, it should keep me from gaining but most people might lose this way. Even so, where I used to count calories now I will be counting cholesterol and definitely sodium to get my blood pressure down. It’s improving but still needs work. Won’t know about the cholesterol until June.

It could be just a coincidence but it seems that adding a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar to my diet as I have for about a week now may be helping my lichen planus.

Monday, April 9, 2018

Treadmill Entry

Okay, I’m going to attempt to use Google Docs while on my treadmill. So far it seems to do a great job of hearing what I’m saying and understanding me. My skier is quiet but the treadmill isn’t. The faster you run on the treadmill, the louder it is. Gotta go at a leisurely pace of 2.3 MPH or else it won’t understand me as well.
I was so pissed off yesterday because while we were discussing the home Improvement plans we want to make in what time we have left here, I looked at a really pretty 3D decorative plate with flowers and hummingbirds hanging on the living room wall and thought that Tammy would love it. I went to reach for it and what did I do? Smashed the fucking thing to smithereens when it slipped out of my grip. I was so pissed!
Her surgery is tomorrow. Still no dreams so I’m guessing no news is good news? I hope that’s the case but I don’t see every single thing that happens in my dreams nor can I control what I do see. I don’t always know that they mean anything until and if they come to fruition. Sometimes I get a feeling right away that a certain dream is a sign of something to come or a warning but sometimes I don’t. I’m hoping that it doesn’t turn out to be any big deal because as Tom reminded me, the doctors were once pretty sure that Mary had cancer all throughout her body yet she didn’t.
I can’t remember every single thing she and I discussed during our phone chat but I misunderstood her about the motorcycles. They are allowed where she lives but like here, if they go joy riding through the place and there’s a complaint, they’ll be kicked out. I was surprised she mentioned a Doberman living there but I guess they used to allow dogs of all sizes until day puts similar size limits on them that they have here. I don’t think smaller dogs are necessarily quieter, but if you’re like me and you’re afraid of big dogs, then it’s definitely nice to live where there aren’t any. 
A lady was walking her Chihuahua which she freed of its leash as she near her home and it ran up barking to me. I petted it and then it barked for more when I stopped just like the woman said it would. I like the look and feel of this breed but they do have the bark from hell. A quick check of dog breeds, sizes and temperaments suggests a Basenji dog might eventually be good for me. It’s hypoallergenic and doesn’t bark as much.
Tom has gotten really good at picking locks, haha. As I may have mentioned, he gets a surprise electronics box every few months from ADAfruit and this time it contained a clear lock with lock picking tools because the point of their packages is to understand how things work. He can pick their lock in just a minute or two but it took him a long time to pick an old rusty padlock of ours. I can’t even pick the easy one but I’m not as patient as he is.
My book Socio was published over the weekend!
So in the one to six years we expect to be here since they could lay him off anytime, while he doesn’t expect to be working there beyond 67 if they don’t, we decided on what we think is worth doing with the place while we’re still here. It’s a little late to do the windows. We should have done them early on but we didn’t so we’re not going to do that and we’re likely not going to laminate the laundry and kitchen floors like we should have either. We actually don’t know for sure on the floors, but we are getting the new oven probably at the end of this month, and we have plans to drywall the hallway. I love pink and it’s definitely my favorite color but even I can’t stand the blinding pink I so stupidly chose for the hallway. So we’re going to white that out. We had planned to eventually do another mural in the living room and our long hallway, so we think we might do them both at once when he takes a week off in early June.
We disagree on when we should do the roof, though. His logic is that we should wait another year since it held up during the rain season because that way we’re getting the money’s worth out of what we paid for when we bought the house nearly 5 years ago. My logic is that the sooner we get the new roof, the quicker we can enjoy the peace of mind a new roof would bring and an extra year to get the money’s worth out of that.
Cutting back on sodium has helped my blood pressure at least enough to where it’s not waking me up with my pulse pounding in my neck but it’s still elevated. I probably do need blood pressure medicine but with my medication phobia, I’m not in any hurry to get any. I still say that how I feel matters more than how many more years I live. If I were in my 20s I would be more concerned.
A friend gave me a gorgeous floral quilt. It’s very stylish yet colorful. It will be good for the winter but probably not the summer. I’ve been looking for this for quite some time but didn’t realize they were calling them quilts. When I would look up duvets I would get comforters and when I would look up blankets I would get fleece blankets. What I like about this quilt is that it’s thicker than a fleece blanket so I don’t need two blankets during the winter, but it’s not as thick and heavy as a comforter.
We also loaded up on some bulk items like water, detergent, and even got some of those air fresheners you clip on your car vent and I like them a lot. Way better than the danglies that obstruct vision and lose their smell in no time.
On Sunday we went to Walmart and I got a bright pink tank dress for the summer.

Breaked from this entry to get some other things done. Just finished cleaning the smaller room and bathroom and now Roomba is taking over. So glad I don’t have to vacuum! Especially the living room.
It was quite chilly on my walk this morning but it’s to be a beautiful day and I have the window by my desk open since I’m not going to be sitting there today. I’m in the bedroom now and have a window open in here, too. I can faintly hear the guy mowing his lawn a couple yards down even on the treadmill but that’s about it. The smell of fresh-cut grass is wafting in here. I’ve always liked that smell.
Decided to try some peanut sauce in which to season my vegetables with but instead of being a thick nutty sauce it’s watery, spicy and gross.
It’s funny to see Mexico get a taste of their own medicine and see how they handle hordes of immigrants for a change instead of it always being on us. Funny how all these “poor” people claim to be so broke yet they appear well-dressed, well fed, and in possession of all kinds of fancy gadgets.
I had a really sad dream the other day involving a cinnamon rat with the same colors and markings that Tinkerbell had. For some reason, I was forced to give it up and was devastated because I knew it would be killed. I was crying, hugging and kissing it, dreading the moment when I had to basically send it to its death. :(

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Tammy and Hunter

Just thought I would start catching up while my chicken dinner is cooking. It’s in one of those McCormick seasoning bags where you throw the chicken in the bag with the seasoning. Comes out awesome that way.
It’s been a busy weekend so far and we still have things we want to do.
Backing up and going in order of events and hopefully not forgetting anything along the way, Tammy and I chatted Friday. I was surprised to get her call because I didn’t expect to hear from her until after surgery. She expects to be pretty out of it for a while so she said the girls will pass along updates for me. They better not forget! They have to work and so does Mark but I’m sure they’ll keep people in the loop when they can.
Anyway, they still don’t know what they’re going to find until they get in there and see what’s going on, and therefore they don’t yet know what they’re going to do about it. She’s just tired of suffering, understandably. It would be nice if her little friend in the sky actually existed and gave a shit. 
I believe we’re all cursed in some department or another, and like I’m cursed in the sleep department, it seems she’s cursed in the health department. I hate being so helpless but even if I was there, there still wouldn’t be much I could do. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away but unfortunately, there’s just no such thing. However, I can say from firsthand experience that different spells sometimes do help with different things. They may not make things perfect but they can help and so I’m scrambling to figure out an appropriate formula that may help someone nearly 3,000 miles away.
She’s going to be in intensive care after surgery so they can watch for any bleeding. I didn’t realize we had so many lymph nodes all over the place. I guess some of them are too deep to simply reach in and remove for a biopsy so they’re going to go through her throat and try to get something behind the breastbone. At least I think that’s what she said. It sends chills throughout me just thinking about it! I just hope whatever it turns out to be nothing and that they can find a way to make it easier for her to live with the diseases that aren’t curable.
I tried to cheer her up by talking about other things to get her mind off the health issues but then I felt kind of bad afterward like I might have come off as selfish and insensitive to her situation. I don’t think anything or anyone can really cheer her up until all this medical drama gives her a break for once and for all.
Where I thought I had one autoimmune disease, apparently I have three. I didn’t realize lichen planus was considered an autoimmune disease in itself until I saw a list of autoimmune diseases listed. I thought that was a side effect of Hashimoto’s. Also, they’ve come to consider asthma an autoimmune disease. For the most part, I haven’t noticed my asthma since quitting smoking. It was bad until I was around 10 because my stupid parents smoked in the house around me every day, but then it improved until I was around 20. I was seldom home the older I got and I was almost never home as a teenager. It was bad from my mid-twenties to early 30s because I too, was dumb enough to smoke for something like 16-18 years. I wish my sister would stop that shit as well.
She got a new dog from the Humane Society, a 2-year old Chihuahua named Hunter. It has one hell of a fierce bark, LOL, going off on some dog that was passing by when they were sitting in the lanai.
Soon I must change the rats’ cage. Make that their mansion. I could fit in it without the shelves in it. 
More to write about but no time to get to it all now.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Sodium Overload

It’s raining here today. It’s nice every now and then because it keeps things quiet, even if I don’t like the cold. Not keeping the planes quiet, though.
I slept shitty yesterday because the blood pounding in my neck woke me up a few times. I really, really have to back off the frozen dinners! Too much sodium. I just read that we shouldn’t have more than 1500 mg of sodium a day. Well, I had about twice that much yesterday. It’s no wonder my blood pressure went through the roof.
Definitely going to be replacing a lot of what I eat with veggies. I feel so much better when I do and it’s healthier. Less sodium, less cholesterol, less calories.
Today, however, I’m enjoying all kinds of naughties. Candy, nuts, pork fried rice, and lobster macaroni and cheese. Their hot wok didn’t have crab rangoons but what they did have was delicious. Haven’t had the shrimp scampi yet. 
The only other thing they didn’t have was sparkling water but since we’re out running errands on weekends anyway, we’ll pick some up then.
Really hoping the apple cider vinegar helps with the cholesterol! A friend of a friend swears by it but it’s hard to believe I would get that lucky. As one of my fellow writers pointed out, it isn’t just a matter of what we eat, but a matter of what’s in some of our shitty genetics.
Managed to get some more of my Nano project done yesterday after all. Not sure I’ll be in a writing kind of mood today, though. As it is, I’m going to wrap up this boring entry now.

Thursday, April 5, 2018

1461 Words

 April 1, 2018
When someone said that Josh seemed a little too good to be true, I definitely agreed. Notice his dramatic posts seem eerily similar to Dan’s? Not saying it really is Dan but the likeness of it is interesting.

It would be nice if one of the things Josh (or whoever) did with this site was to allow the option of anonymous comments. I think some people may be more honest that way, especially when it comes to anything negative they may wish to say. I’m not as sensitive as most people so I don’t mind some negativity mixed in with the positive and neutral comments. But I know a lot of people out there aren’t brave enough to say anything negative unless they can hide in the shadows while they do it. For now, I guess that’s why they have sites like these…

I’m new to the first one but it seems to run better than the other one.

I put a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in a 33.8-oz. bottle of sparkling black cherry water and it’s definitely a lot more drinkable than putting it in a 17-oz. bottle of flat water. So we’ll find out in June if it’s going to help my cholesterol or not.

So CampNano has begun and I’m off to a start of 1461 words.

No motorcycles woke me up but the heat sure did. In the winter months, we mostly close the bedroom vent and open the bathroom vent. In the warmer weather, we flip them the opposite way. I’m definitely going to have him climb up and adjust the vents before bed.

Tom said there were no loud vehicles, landscaping or projects today. I’m surprised, but we’ll see how lucky I get tomorrow.

We weighed the pros and cons of staying versus going and decided to stay a while longer because it’s the smarter, safer thing to do. There’s no saying how long it would take him to get a job no matter what state we moved to, and insurance is so hard to get in this country. We wouldn’t mind being uninsured if we didn’t need regular medication, and we wouldn’t mind being broke as long as it didn’t mean being homeless. When he’s retired and we’re on a fixed income I don’t expect to have much extra money and that’s okay as long as we at least have a roof over our heads and our kitchen is stocked.

Will we be able to afford doctors and medication? He will be able to but I don’t know about me until I’m 65. He said we can buy a plan. Let’s hope we can afford it, but if worse comes to absolute worse, we’ll move to a country with universal healthcare. Fortunately, though, my medication is common and therefore it’s not expensive.

Now, if they lay him off or lose their contract in a few months and he has to look for a job anyway, that would be different. He would probably be able to find a job easier in Florida because there are more older people there than here. I’m kind of surprised they haven’t laid him off yet since most jobs don’t last forever and the company has struggled at times, often laying off several people at once.

The only dream I remember was starting a job in the middle of a mall as a “sexless” sex worker. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy. But the idea wasn’t to get it on with the customers as opposed to simply spending time chatting with them.

I was talking to the younger woman training me and she said, “These guys are told all their lives that they’re worthless and can’t get anyone beautiful. But you look great, J-Lin.”

I smiled and thought how this was going to be an easy and interesting job with my worst problem possibly being sore feet at the end of the day as I stood behind the counter in the little booth set up in the center of the strip mall.

I then went to fetch my purse where my phone was so I could text Tom and tell him what a simple job it was and how I loved it, assuming anyone actually wanted to pay me to be their sounding board. But I couldn’t find my purse and began to panic as I glanced in the manager’s office which was empty, questioned some guy who didn’t know anything about it, and then remembered seeing the girl training me place it behind a TV on a cabinet or counter of some kind. I checked, and it was there.

Pool Wrap & Coffee
 April 2, 2018
While I still can’t see why most lesbians cut their hair off just because they’re attracted to women (I didn’t cut mine off when I dated women prior to meeting Tom), I can totally see why older women go short. By then you’re usually dying it regularly and it’s so much easier when you don’t have as much to color. I think I’ll stay long for the rest of my Cali time and then keep it at the shoulders in Florida. That’s the perfect climate for shoulder length hair, since I don’t think I could ever stand to go any shorter. I don’t want to look like a guy. I might cut my bangs back too, even if it’ll make my huge face look even huger.

Feeling kind of crappy today as I sip on my jasmine tea. I think my blood pressure was up earlier but when we checked it a couple hours ago it was only slightly elevated. I slept with an earplug in my good ear which makes you able to hear things going on inside you easier like your breathing and your heartbeat. Well, the “neck knockers,” as I call them, woke me up a few times which is a common symptom when one’s blood pressure is elevated. I also felt that strange vibration in my head and that compressed, fuzzy-headed feeling similar to when you have a cold, if that makes any sense. I had some lightheadedness yesterday. The only other symptom I feel is very run down. I don’t know what my problem is but it’s making it hard for me to do things that I want to do. I haven’t even begun today’s CampNano chapter so I may have to double up tomorrow.

I did read that women going into menopause often have high blood pressure. But then so do those with thyroid issues. Out of curiosity, I looked up which foods they recommend to avoid for high blood pressure. I know foods high in sodium are bad but it was funny they mentioned frozen pizza because that’s exactly what I had yesterday. It was a medium-size pizza that took me two sittings to eat, too.

Just in case my good ear is waxy, we got a new ear wax kit from Amazon with same-day delivery since the one we had expired. We had to bring it up to $35 to get same-day delivery and since he needs new socks and underwear, he got some.

I also got this awesome K-Cup variety pack coming which includes one K cup each of the following: 1 of Cake Boss Dulce De Leche, 1 of Cake Boss Hazelnut Biscotti, 1 of Cake Boss Italian Rum, 1 of Cake Boss Raspberry Truffle, 1 of Cake Boss Vanilla Butter Cream, 1 of Guy Fieri Hot Fudge Brownie, 1 of Guy Fieri Caramel Apple, 1 of Guy Fieri Hazelnut Cinnamon Roll, 1 of Guy Fieri Chocolate Mint, 1 of Entenmann’s Cinnamon, 1 of Entenmann’s Coconut Cream Pie, 1 of Entenmann’s Party Cake, 1 of Wolfgang French Vanilla, 1 of Wolfgang Jamaica me Crazy. 1 of Wolfgang Hawaiian Hazelnut. 1 of Martinson Vanilla Velvet, 1 of Martinson Cayman Coconut, 1 of Martinson Mint and Mocha, 1 of Martinson Caramel Crème, 1 of Martinson Irish Crème, 1 of Martinson Tiramisu Twist, 1 of Martinson Texas Pecan, 1 of Barnie Santa White Christmas, 1 of Barnie Crème Brule, 1 of Barnie Cool Café Blues, 1 of Rio Grande Van Hazelnut, 1 of Hurricane Coconut Fudge, 1 of Hurricane Butter Toffee, 1 of Grove Square Caramel, 1 of Victor Allen Sugar Cookie, 1 of Victor Allen Caramel, 1 of Toraini Toasted Hazelnut, 1 of Polka Dot Café Caramel Macchiato, 1 of Indulgio Hazelnut, 1 of Java Factory Choconut, 1 of Java Factory Vanilla Dream, 1 of Crazy Cups Peppermint Chocolate Mocha, 1 of Brooklyn Beans Maple Sleigh, 1 of Authentic Donut Shop Chocolate Chip Cookie, 1 of Authentic Donut Shop Vanilla Hazelnut.

The only one I may not like is the Irish cream.

I also got a pink pool wrap for the pool and that can also be worn around the house. It’s a unique style and I never had anything like it before. I guess you stick one arm through it, wrap it around your back, then put your arm through the other strap. I know I’m not a plus size but at the rate I’m going I just might get there. Besides, they say the sizes tend to run small with these.

It’s cool watching Tom in real-time as he makes his way into work. I just wish it updated more consistently but it actually updates every minute or two and draws a straight line from point to point, so I learned. I was wondering why it looked like he plowed through the RV parking lot the other day and drove over some yards, LOL. Even I ran over the pool when I was out running the other day.

I only skimmed it but someone shared an article about forgetfulness being a sign of superior intelligence. Haha, is that why I’ve been so damn forgetful these last seven or eight years or so?

Now that we’ve decided we’re going to stick around a little longer, I guess that means we’re on for doing the roof this summer, and for once we’ll be the noisemakers in the community. Going to get a new oven at some point as well.

I started to say that I was okay with living in the mainstream again when we move since if it isn’t one thing I hear it’s something else and every place I ever live is noisy, but I really would rather not play house again with the welfare bums, the wild college kids, or the large Mormon families.

The more I chat with Josh, as I did yesterday, the more I like him and believe he is sincere. Found some interesting info here,

 April 3, 2018
4 hours after I fell asleep, I woke up and checked my blood pressure. It was 161/90. When I took it after getting up the top number was in the 130s. I asked Tammy, out of curiosity, if she’s on blood pressure medicine but I have a feeling I’m not going to get an answer. She has gotten horrible at picking up and replying to messages. I swear I’m hearing less and less from her and the girls. I get that they have a lot going on and they have their own lives to live but I worry about them at times and wonder what’s really going on. I know Tammy has that biopsy in a week and it’s scary, but what gives me hope is that I read that there’s a wide variety of things that can cause enlarged lymph nodes and it’s not necessarily cancerous. Even if it was, they’ve gotten really good at curing and removing cancer.

Tammy hasn’t been in my dreams for a while now. Is that a good sign or just because we’re not in touch as much?

I took my meds 3 days in a row to get my schedule in sync with the planned days off, and sure enough, I felt a bit wound up today. There’s definitely something bad about this medication in particular, especially this brand. My thyroid’s got to go and the medication definitely has to be changed or lowered indefinitely. They have to either find something I can tolerate or keep my dose low.

I downloaded WhatsApp because exchanging texts with my buddy was hit or miss and it got kind of frustrating. That’s technology for you; you never know what’s getting lost in cyberspace or making it to its destination.

I’m on the skier now using speech to text on Google Docs. I really like Google Docs. It’s a very handy tool I can use on any device, then copy to wherever.

Loving my coffee sampler too. I saw a flavor that wasn’t on the list, though. Blackberry cobbler. I’m sure I’ll still love it.

Switching from Walmart to Raley's
 April 4, 2018
I made a mistake when I said my BP was 161/90. It was actually 151/90 the other day when I woke up and checked it. From the way I’ve been feeling lately, I think it’s stable again. I feel great today and I wish I could feel like this every day. Yesterday I was a touch anxious and I skipped my pill today so it wouldn’t be worse. There’s definitely something about the synthetic version of this stuff, especially this brand. Something has to be done eventually but I don’t know what. Not going to worry about that today since my condition isn’t life threatening and there’s no imminent danger. My energy levels are great, my mood is great, and I wish I could feel like this every day or at least most of the time. Yesterday I had a bit of fatigue too, but I still managed to get a lot done.

Tom and I went on an early morning walk. I ran so fast at some points that he could hardly keep up with me. I must be in pretty good shape too because when we got back my HR was only up to 118 after that mad sprint. Tom said he saw a coyote. He saw it at the foot of the driveway. I didn’t see anything, though. They’re usually harmless anyway.

We decided we’ve had enough of Walmart’s bullshit so we’re not going to order groceries for pick up anymore from them. They keep selling out of everything, and their site is a nightmare. Really think they’re gearing up to stop that service and that’s why they keep selling out of things that they don’t restock. Everything is now out of stock or on clearance, and instead of seven pages of favorites, we now have two.

So we signed up with Raley’s and they do home delivery for just six bucks. He spends a couple bucks in gas just to go pick up the groceries and then the time to go get them, so it’s worth it.

I can’t go all vegan so I’m going to just do my best to not go too crazy with the cholesterol. I’ll cut it out altogether a week before labs and we’ll see if the apple cider vinegar is helping.

A friend said her hematologist recommended turmeric pills and I read about a guy with my type of rash that said it helped him tremendously. If it proves to be a good thing for her, I may try that myself.

We left each other voice clips, which was cool. She sounds so young and I sound mean, LOL.

Sure enough, Tammy didn’t answer my question even though she checked in yesterday. What is with her and her taking forever to read and reply to messages? She showed up in my dreams but I don’t remember what they were about. I just know I fell asleep with her on my mind and therefore I ended up dreaming about her. Couldn’t have been too bad, I guess, or else I would have remembered it.

I just don’t know if I want to keep going with my Camp Nano project. I just can’t get into it. Sometimes I start a story and then I lose interest. Day 4 and I’m already bored.

Raley's Order 
 April 5, 2018
Finally heard from that elusive sister of mine. Tammy, who is at the hospital registering for surgery on the 10th, confirmed that she is on blood pressure medicine. Figured as much. It seems most older people need it and are left on it for life. I may need it too, but I’m going to try to avoid it for as long as I can. I always try to resort to natural remedies first.

Yesterday I replaced one of my meals with stir-fried vegetables and ended up having a little over a thousand calories. I was down a pound the next day but I have my doubts that I could keep losing steadily. Even if I don’t, the most important thing is getting my cholesterol down. I think if I stay away or at least limit the foods that are bad for cholesterol and blood pressure, it will help a lot.

We did our first Raley’s order online yesterday and they’re to deliver late this afternoon. It will be interesting to see how well they do with being punctual and how well in-stock they are. I wonder what they’ll deliver them in? I’m guessing paper bags.

As with Walmart, you have the option of allowing them to substitute the things you want them to substitute that they’re out of. I usually don’t let them substitute, though. I don’t want, for example, them not to have sparkling strawberry water and therefore give me orange, lemon or lime.

I admit I went a little overboard, LOL, wanting to try new things and was especially delighted by the Sizzling Wok. It’s expensive but now’s the time to enjoy these things… While we still have money. I say if you have money, save some and enjoy the rest! If you save everything you may have more cushion for rainy days but you won’t have as much of a life in between. We all gotta live a little. Money isn’t everything, but it’s still nice to enjoy whenever we can. I was broke most of my life and would go back to that in a heartbeat as long as it meant staying healthy and feeling good. You just can’t put a price on that! I’m trying not to think of and not to worry about Tammy’s health, but I do. It’s only natural to worry about those we care about but I’m still holding out the hope that they don’t find anything cancerous and that they can get rid of it if they do. The waiting in the suspense must be killing her! I hope they don’t wait too long after the 10th to give her the results so she can know what’s going on and pass the info along to me and others.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to trying their lobster macaroni and cheese and also their shrimp scampi. Remember, I hate to cook and he’s not into that either so we do get a lot of pre-made stuff.

We went out running early this morning. Didn’t see any coyotes, skunks or possums.

He gets a monthly surprise box with electronic-related stuff, teaching people how things work. One of the strangest boxes yet contained a clear lock and tools to learn to pick it. He’s gotten good at picking the lock but when I tried I have no luck. I only tried once for a couple minutes, though. I could probably learn to do it with practice though I have no desire to go lock picking, haha. It might come in handy, however, to know how to do if we lose a key to an old padlock or something.

Last night I had another round of vague and strange bits and pieces of dreams that were pretty senseless. In one dream I was following Tom who was following a waitress that was seating us in a restaurant. Only the restaurant was pitch black and I could barely see them even though they were right in front of me. After a few seconds, I lost sight of them all together and couldn’t see a thing. All was jet black. I couldn’t even see any of the other customers or tables.

Then we were in another restaurant and all of a sudden I felt incredibly sleepy. So they let me take a nap in a room in the back of the restaurant. As I felt myself drift off, I forced myself back awake because I knew that if I didn’t I would probably be out for hours and I didn’t want to make anybody wait on me that long.

In another dream, I was walking down a hall somewhere where a few people and a tiger were present. The tiger took something out of my hand that might have been a plastic bag and I didn’t try to get it back because I didn’t want to piss it off and get attacked. I was still terrified but tried not to let it show. Then I saw someone open a door and I called out to them to hold it for me. I ran up to the door and exited the hallway with them.

In the last dream, I was in this filthy bathroom that looked like it was hundreds of years old. Two women were sitting at a vanity table nearby chatting, and I was taking a bath in an old footed tub that seemed both gross and way too narrow.