Wednesday, May 3, 2017

80s and Loving It

Got a third e-mail from Sirius asking me to confirm. I exchanged emails with them again yesterday and they said they’re investigating it. Tom and I think they’re just incompetent or someone signed up with an email similar to mine and made a typo. Then again, it hit me that I once entered a contest of theirs. That could be how my email got in their database. I’m not worried about it, though, either way. I sent them the screenshots they requested and the rest is up to them.

While the shampoo I got continues to help lessen hair loss, the scar gel I got is worthless so far.

It’s been in the upper 80s here and I love it! Bare feet, short sleeves… just the way I like it. :-) Where I used to run in the daytime now I’m going late at night. I like it better then anyway because it’s so peaceful and there’s less traffic. Part of it depends on my schedule too, of course.

Made it to May without anxiety. Now if only I could get through my June appointment for starters! The thing is that it’s going to be hard to keep the anxiety at bay as I get closer to my June labs. One step at a time, though. That’s my first goal; get to June. If I can conquer that, then my next goal will be making it to September, then finishing the year out anxiety-free. I’m afraid to get my hopes up too high because every time I think I’m over the worst of it, it returns to haunt me in some form or another. I still might have to skip a few doses every few months to keep the numbers from going too low, but mostly to prevent me from getting anxious.

Sometimes I feel like I’m getting a bit PMSy and will be in for another period, but at this point I’m 3 weeks late. That’s another thing I don’t want to get my hopes up on since I went 3.5 months without a period last fall. If I could go 6 months then I might be tempted to think I might have finally hit menopause, though doctors consider it 1 year.

I know most dreams are just meaningless “spam” dreams, but I sure wonder about them sometimes, like why I’m always afraid of the snakes I encounter in my dreams when I have no fear of snakes in real life.

In one dream I had my own apartment on an upper floor in which I had a couple of windows open. My mother came to visit me and she said, “Shouldn’t this window be closed now?”

“No,” I told her, going to open the window that she started to close. I told her it was too early in the day to close them and that it would get too warm.

Then all of a sudden she’s eager to check out the new stereo I got.

A split second later I was swimming by myself in a pool that was filthy. Then another split second later it was empty, then filled again but clean this time. There were now several people in the pool with me as well as hanging around nearby.

I spotted Tammy on a lounge chair chatting with some people. She was holding a baby that she was bouncing and kissing playfully, saying how cute it was. Then she gave it to a woman who looked too young and too skinny to have just had a kid.

The weirdest dream was Nane and I sleeping on a blanket at the side of a huge house. I knew the house belonged to her but I don’t know why we were sleeping outside. The neighborhood was pitch-dark. There wasn’t a single streetlight at all.

Wearing just my socks and underwear I rose from the blanket and started walking a short ways down the street. I laughed to myself knowing that people couldn’t see me because it was so dark. Heading back to the house was a little tricky because I had to climb these uneven rocky stairs, and then I was walking through a large muddy puddle up to Nane's front door. I felt for the doorknob and found it weird that she left the key in it. I turned the knob and began to push the door open. Hearing movement inside the house but unable to see anything, I quickly headed back to the blanket to see if Nane was there or not.

Now there was a faint glow coming from somewhere because I could see the word “water” embossed on the edge of the porch. I was relieved to find the blanket empty because then I knew an intruder hadn’t gotten into the house and that the movement I’d heard came from Nane.

I then headed into the house, hoping I wouldn’t leave muddy footprints on the carpet. Nane was sitting on a couch facing me when the dream ended.

Then Tom and I were living in a house with a basement. He left for work in the morning and I thought to myself how I was going to be home alone both scared and bored all day. I guess someone was after me or I at least thought they might be. From the basement I could look up the stairs and out the living room window to keep watch on anyone that might approach the front of the house. I was afraid to do anything else that may signal that someone was inside the house.

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