Friday, June 9, 2017

25 Years Ago

Wow! It has now been exactly a quarter of a century since I left New England! I was a 90-pound, 26-year-old girl with great vision and that couldn’t gain weight. Can’t gain it easily now either, but I sure as hell can’t lose what I gained before going on thyroid medication either, LOL. There were two words I had yet to learn the true meaning of… insecurity and anxiety. I’ll take the insecurity that came with the poverty we went through any day over this anxiety that can sometimes border on sheer terror. Nonetheless, I learned about insecurity in 2008, and then I learned about anxiety in 2014, and you know what folks? It’s awfully hard to unlearn things at times.

So sit back, grab a cup of hot chocolate or tea, and enjoy another one of my bittersweet midnight rambles.

Okay, so I took a couple ibuprofens for my jaw arthritis, snuggled up in bed for awhile, and now I feel a little calmer. I thought about it and realized that if I stopped my meds for six months that would tell me if my anxiety was due to the meds since I can’t even go that long without having anxiety. But that still might not tell me if it were literally the meds themselves. More than likely it’s a combination of things… the perimenopause, the medication fueling it, etc.

It wouldn’t be good for me to quit for half a year either way, and I won’t. I’d probably gain a shitload of weight. I may not be able to lose either, but I stopped gaining years ago, leaving me around 30 pounds overweight. The only difference is that I’m a few inches smaller than I was just over a year ago because of the Bowflex. People think I’m between 120-130 pounds. Wrong!

So anyway, I didn’t feel great after talking to Tammy but I definitely felt better, and I’m sure celebrating our anniversary this weekend will make me feel even better. It’s on the 15th actually, but we’re going to go out to eat, plus we did a little shopping on Amazon. Then he turns 60 on the 28th. That’s a bit of a sad and scary thought even though he’s in great health and he reminds me that a number is just a number. Yeah, but his wife is 8.5 years younger, in better shape, and is supposed to live longer than men.

More to come on my chat with Tammy, so I guess I'll either do a third entry later today or do it tomorrow.

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