Saturday, June 3, 2017

Third and Final Chance

Last night I went for a quick bike ride that couldn’t have lasted more than seven or eight minutes. When I returned my heart was booming like crazy and took forever to slow down. Instead of the ride perking me up and giving me energy, I crept a little too close to the border of being anxious.

Then I decided to give the clonidine a third and final chance. At first I wasn’t tired, just calmer. But then an hour and a half later, four hours before I was ready for bed, it knocked me out. And just like the other two times, I slept horribly. It seems I woke up every half hour. I finally got up, whined to Tom about it, then took a lorazepam. Before this, we checked my vitals, as we have been doing, and all was normal. Tom thinks I’m mostly anxious because I’ve got labs on Monday, and combination peri/period. So far it’s been mildly annoying and I hope it stays that way. Meaning if it’s not going to go away anytime soon, I hope it will at least not get any worse. I still don’t want the next time I communicate with Stacey to be face-to-face in her office.

I was horribly tired when I finally got up for good, but did manage to perk up a little bit. It just took 2 cups of coffee and forever to do it.

From now on I’m only taking my thyroid meds and lorazepam as needed. I’ve fucking had it with the medication game! I mean, yeah, it took the edge off my anxiety. But what good is it if it’s going to make me sleep shitty and leave me drowsy as fuck the next day?

Tom’s work schedule is really busy this next month so we’re going to bump my PCP appointment up for next month. I really don’t need to see her for anything right now, anyway.

This period has been light so far, but like I said before, I’m trying to accept the fact that I’m never going to have the energy I once had, nor am I ever going to sleep as well as I once did. I’m just not getting any younger. Also, I could very well have another dozen or so periods to go before they finally stop. Might as well accept that, too.

Managed to go for a short walk, and was pleased to find that they dropped the price on the house with the really loud car from 130K to 125K. But with 3 for sale and 1 pending on this circle alone, there’s an excellent chance of one of the newcomers having a motorcycle. :(

I dreamed that Tom wanted to get another cat, and I tried to explain to him that another cat would only give me the same congestion and wheezing the last cat gave me.

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